I don't even know how to explain this. I feel as if I have some angry monster inside of me itching to just take control. wanting to scream, yell fuss. basically have a TOTAL melt down. I never understand the concept anger. I hate it so much. When I am in God's presence I feel as if nothing else matters. You may say that is selfish but it really isn't. When you truly love someone or something you will give anything or do anything to make that person happy. This week has been very good, but at the same time there are horrible days of the week. When you just wish you never existed. If you are mad or sad, don't feel like your not sup post to feel those emotions. When you want to cry.. cry. if you want to be angry be angry. (Have self control though) When we have those times where we are sad... BE SAD don't feel bad because you are sad your aloud to feel the emotion you are going through! It may not be the most happiest emotion but if your going through times that are rough your aloud TO FEEL UPSET or feel like crying. It's normal. You can't hold things in. If you do, well that's just not healthy. I learned that these past two weeks. I love to talk about how I feel. One day I just broke out in tears.
From everything that I was going through (and still am) in that time was a moment of growth. I was sad and I was afraid to feel it. A friend once told me "It's okay to break down once in awhile.. it makes you a stronger person"
and it does. I don't even know where to begin with that statement.
It's like God doesn't want us to feel his presence just in time of worship. He wants us to feel him when we get dressed up to go out to dinner with him, when we are at home in our bum clothes, when we are worshiping him. ALL THE TIME he wants us! Even though us as humans can't always understand that God's presence is always there.. it is. When he sees us worshiping when we can't "feel him" in his head he KNOWS for a fact that choose to live for him, we choose to worship him even though we may not "feel" him, and that's love. We go through these steps because God is shaping us and molding us in to his beautiful master piece.
So back to that point about breaking down. If you were always angry all the time.. how could you grow, experience new things, etc.
You couldn't! It's impossible because you are always in that mood. When you have that bit of happiness.. let it shine don't hid it away for no one to see. Make sure that in EVERY circumstance you are in, let your body go through the emotions. The steps you go through in your emotions make you in to the master piece God has called you to be! ( and already is his master piece )
Don't be scared to feel. God wants you too feel, because when you feel you become stronger in who you are, and you become stronger in your REAL, PERSONAL relationship with God.
A
Monday, November 22, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Faith
Have you ever felt like you were just going to cry and burst out in tears. You know you are a strong person and Christian but you feel like you just can't handle things?
Yeah, that's how I feel right now.
Everything in life is like a huge gossip ball that you just can't put your finger on. You feel like you can't please anyone. Sometimes I do stupid things but I don't mean to it's just that someone tells me something and I might ask someone advice because I can't do it alone. I need that constant goodness in my life. I need someone that is GONNA clothe me and that is going to take care of me when I am sad. Not someone that says "you'll be fine," or talks back. People need to let go of things and forget their past and move on. So many people don't know how to do that they just run around thinking they are right, but wait the other person might be right. But you know.. noone's right.. every one is in a constant battle and it is ESPECIALLY hard with Christians because they see that people NEED GOD and it hurts so much when those people don't have him. It makes me want to cry and just blow up in sorrow. See I just want to make things right with people and if they don't want to change then you know what they will figure that out sooner or later.
Has anyone ever told you that your too "young" or you will never understand?
You know it hurts. Because you have come so far in your journey of life that you ARE getting big, you are not small you are not a child you have HAD GOD moments and there have been circumstances where your faith has stood out.
& you KNOW your God is there and real. You know that he can do anything you pray for. It is a hard world out there and we can NEVER win we will always have times were people judge, make fun of you put you down. But my advice to you is stay strong in your faith and DON'T let those people get to you because what do they have on you ?
They don't run your life... you make the decisions in your life based on whatever God wants for you.
When you trust in him he will bless the CRAP out of you. You have to believe it and you have to really seek him because if you don't you'll get mad at God and blame him for things that he is not doing. He just wants to do good and love on you, so let him. Don't let the evils of this world distract you from the father that will care for you no matter HOW big your wound is.
I'm hoping for a better tomorrow.
A
Yeah, that's how I feel right now.
Everything in life is like a huge gossip ball that you just can't put your finger on. You feel like you can't please anyone. Sometimes I do stupid things but I don't mean to it's just that someone tells me something and I might ask someone advice because I can't do it alone. I need that constant goodness in my life. I need someone that is GONNA clothe me and that is going to take care of me when I am sad. Not someone that says "you'll be fine," or talks back. People need to let go of things and forget their past and move on. So many people don't know how to do that they just run around thinking they are right, but wait the other person might be right. But you know.. noone's right.. every one is in a constant battle and it is ESPECIALLY hard with Christians because they see that people NEED GOD and it hurts so much when those people don't have him. It makes me want to cry and just blow up in sorrow. See I just want to make things right with people and if they don't want to change then you know what they will figure that out sooner or later.
Has anyone ever told you that your too "young" or you will never understand?
You know it hurts. Because you have come so far in your journey of life that you ARE getting big, you are not small you are not a child you have HAD GOD moments and there have been circumstances where your faith has stood out.
& you KNOW your God is there and real. You know that he can do anything you pray for. It is a hard world out there and we can NEVER win we will always have times were people judge, make fun of you put you down. But my advice to you is stay strong in your faith and DON'T let those people get to you because what do they have on you ?
They don't run your life... you make the decisions in your life based on whatever God wants for you.
When you trust in him he will bless the CRAP out of you. You have to believe it and you have to really seek him because if you don't you'll get mad at God and blame him for things that he is not doing. He just wants to do good and love on you, so let him. Don't let the evils of this world distract you from the father that will care for you no matter HOW big your wound is.
I'm hoping for a better tomorrow.
A
Monday, August 23, 2010
Temptation
Temptation .. don't even know where to begin with that one.
There are so many things in life that you are tempted to do. For me I have been tempted multiple times to fall back in to my sinful desires of the world.
It's natural for a human being, but for us it's there it's going to tempt-ate us but we have to push through and ignore it. Because there is something better for us out there. God and his Kingdom.
I have an addiction and I have gaven it away to God and he has forgiven me, once forgiven I don't have to worry about stressing because of it anymore. Some people don't realize that when were forgiven were forgiven! Some people dwell on it, some people live their life in fear, "Am I going to Hell because I did this Oh m geee!" Well you don't have to live like that, because when you know you have screwed up, and you want to change trust me you will come to God on your knees asking for forgiveness. & he will forgive you. Once he does you have to get back up and keep on walking in the path he has for you. It's not going to be easy because we are always going to be tempted. Always, but when we are truly sorry for them we can continue on with our lives. Some people use God's forgiveness as an excuse like a ticket out, but that's not a good thing to do.
God's forgiveness is SO precious and when he forgives you you should be happy and rejoice and be glad he has made you new! Even though your body may not feel like it, you are forgiven so be happy.
It's something I struggle with too. " Am I really forgiven does God really care that much!?"
He sent his son to die for US! So now we live in his Grace of forgiveness. God gave us a choice to live, to choose what we think is best. When we choose the world's desires.. we often fail. Things go down the wrong path and we suffer. We think "Stupid God, like ugh I am going to do this on my own still and prove him wrong!" We can't do that though, because we will never win... if you do try that way you will always be unhappy and always be sad and scared to live your life. When you live for God, sure you worry but you also know your stable because God is directing your life for better purposes, so you will have nothing to fear, even though you do fear. Let's say you do give in to temptation like .. porn addiction for instance. Well once you let God in to your life to cleanse you from your sin you now have the power to say no, but the devils going to attack you so hard you have no clue and you have to be prepared to fight against it.
You have to have faith and hope in what you believe in.
When you ask for cleansing .... you get saved from your sins.. again. Take it as a thanks and prove to God you are done with the world's desires. and show him your ready for his desires for you.
A
There are so many things in life that you are tempted to do. For me I have been tempted multiple times to fall back in to my sinful desires of the world.
It's natural for a human being, but for us it's there it's going to tempt-ate us but we have to push through and ignore it. Because there is something better for us out there. God and his Kingdom.
I have an addiction and I have gaven it away to God and he has forgiven me, once forgiven I don't have to worry about stressing because of it anymore. Some people don't realize that when were forgiven were forgiven! Some people dwell on it, some people live their life in fear, "Am I going to Hell because I did this Oh m geee!" Well you don't have to live like that, because when you know you have screwed up, and you want to change trust me you will come to God on your knees asking for forgiveness. & he will forgive you. Once he does you have to get back up and keep on walking in the path he has for you. It's not going to be easy because we are always going to be tempted. Always, but when we are truly sorry for them we can continue on with our lives. Some people use God's forgiveness as an excuse like a ticket out, but that's not a good thing to do.
God's forgiveness is SO precious and when he forgives you you should be happy and rejoice and be glad he has made you new! Even though your body may not feel like it, you are forgiven so be happy.
It's something I struggle with too. " Am I really forgiven does God really care that much!?"
He sent his son to die for US! So now we live in his Grace of forgiveness. God gave us a choice to live, to choose what we think is best. When we choose the world's desires.. we often fail. Things go down the wrong path and we suffer. We think "Stupid God, like ugh I am going to do this on my own still and prove him wrong!" We can't do that though, because we will never win... if you do try that way you will always be unhappy and always be sad and scared to live your life. When you live for God, sure you worry but you also know your stable because God is directing your life for better purposes, so you will have nothing to fear, even though you do fear. Let's say you do give in to temptation like .. porn addiction for instance. Well once you let God in to your life to cleanse you from your sin you now have the power to say no, but the devils going to attack you so hard you have no clue and you have to be prepared to fight against it.
You have to have faith and hope in what you believe in.
When you ask for cleansing .... you get saved from your sins.. again. Take it as a thanks and prove to God you are done with the world's desires. and show him your ready for his desires for you.
A
Monday, August 16, 2010
His Love Never Fails (Part two)
Okay so the meaning behind part one, is that when you do things not only for yourself, other's should be first.. when you do stuff for them they SEE this amazing love and affection that someone cares for them, or if you do anything nice and knowing it's good you feel good to see that person smile.
That right there is they way that people get lead to Christ,
You being that role-model in their life their gonna wonder.. hey! .. that person is awesome, why are they awesome? because they are allowing Jesus to work through them! That's GOD'S LOVE it's God's plans it's everything! Then when people start asking you about youth, or talk to you about maybe their circumstance in life then you can be there to listen because you have showed you care for them and now their going to open up to you.
See God never fails you, and when you do things for him.. it means he's loving on you because your loving him. The whole one for one thing with Toms, you buy a pair of their shoes, and not only do you get a pair but some child in a third world country get's a pair because YOU cared, YOU took the initiative to do something that would help out someone else. God wants you to do that if it's helping someone or maybe giving someone that doesn't have much somethng that you don't need.
I did something like that once gave away something pretty big for someone that needed something, and I am going to tell you it was the coolest thing ever. I was at Braeside Camp in Paris Ontario and the pastor that was speaking at the time was talking about giving, yes giving. Now when offering's are asked and stuff yes I gave a fair bit for the Church and stuff and I was glad I was doing that but that night at Family Camp it felt like something was bugging me to give more then that a certain amount.
So I thought about it but I thought it was just me just going to give money and be like yeah ! God told me too.. when I actually wasn't sure so I just ignored it. Then.. I don't know how to explain it.. but God told me to give a certain amount of money to a friend that was in need.
So what I did (& I have never done anything like this before so I was like okay I know this is right to do)
So I ended up getting someone to drive me to the nearest bank, came back and gave the money to the Pastor and honestly it felt great. I didn't want to take it back I wasn't like "Oh man," I felt relieved. That right there, (I didn't notice it at the time but) at that moment I ended up having God's peace in my mind and soul not to worry because God never fails us. He always gives back when we give. So that next day I was still at camp.. and I was waiting for my money to come back the EXACT amount I had given. Nothing. So I stopped worrying and when I came back home two days after I had received and e-mail from someone and I was selling something on Kijiji at the time and it was the EXACT same amount that I had given that night at camp. I was writing the person and I said sorry I am looking for this much". . then I realized God gave back! & I was sooooo excited and it was the coolest thing ever, you know
God's Love Never Fails.
Keep loving.
A
That right there is they way that people get lead to Christ,
You being that role-model in their life their gonna wonder.. hey! .. that person is awesome, why are they awesome? because they are allowing Jesus to work through them! That's GOD'S LOVE it's God's plans it's everything! Then when people start asking you about youth, or talk to you about maybe their circumstance in life then you can be there to listen because you have showed you care for them and now their going to open up to you.
See God never fails you, and when you do things for him.. it means he's loving on you because your loving him. The whole one for one thing with Toms, you buy a pair of their shoes, and not only do you get a pair but some child in a third world country get's a pair because YOU cared, YOU took the initiative to do something that would help out someone else. God wants you to do that if it's helping someone or maybe giving someone that doesn't have much somethng that you don't need.
I did something like that once gave away something pretty big for someone that needed something, and I am going to tell you it was the coolest thing ever. I was at Braeside Camp in Paris Ontario and the pastor that was speaking at the time was talking about giving, yes giving. Now when offering's are asked and stuff yes I gave a fair bit for the Church and stuff and I was glad I was doing that but that night at Family Camp it felt like something was bugging me to give more then that a certain amount.
So I thought about it but I thought it was just me just going to give money and be like yeah ! God told me too.. when I actually wasn't sure so I just ignored it. Then.. I don't know how to explain it.. but God told me to give a certain amount of money to a friend that was in need.
So what I did (& I have never done anything like this before so I was like okay I know this is right to do)
So I ended up getting someone to drive me to the nearest bank, came back and gave the money to the Pastor and honestly it felt great. I didn't want to take it back I wasn't like "Oh man," I felt relieved. That right there, (I didn't notice it at the time but) at that moment I ended up having God's peace in my mind and soul not to worry because God never fails us. He always gives back when we give. So that next day I was still at camp.. and I was waiting for my money to come back the EXACT amount I had given. Nothing. So I stopped worrying and when I came back home two days after I had received and e-mail from someone and I was selling something on Kijiji at the time and it was the EXACT same amount that I had given that night at camp. I was writing the person and I said sorry I am looking for this much". . then I realized God gave back! & I was sooooo excited and it was the coolest thing ever, you know
God's Love Never Fails.
Keep loving.
A
Saturday, August 7, 2010
His Love Never Fails (Part one)
So there's a song I listen to and it's called "Your love never fails" by jesus culture. I love them with a passion. Kim Walkers voice oh my, it just it's crazy! God has blessed her so much. I hope that God's plan for me includes music.
Music is my life.. but Jesus comes first though of course :)
But music I listen to it when I shower, swim, run, sleep, pray, read my bible. If you surround yourself with music that has swearing in it or talks about money and sex.. yeah sure you say .. " I am not going to do those things it's just a song".. but is it worth it when you end up memorizing every word to be considered "cool"? There is one thing that bugs me.. and it's in schools. I would never bad mouth anyone, ever.
They don't deserve it, it's stupid to start drama, but I hate when the "popular kids" make fun of the non popular kids. Since when are people classified in a list from 1-10?
Not in my book. It's stupid how people treat each other. Some kids are terrified to walk in their school hallways is that really necessary? Like it's like there playing mission in-possible.. through the halls.. "dun dun dun dun dun . dun dun dun dun dun" Is that really necessary? God's Love never fails. That's my title, it's my title because it's true. & your probably like how does this relate to what your talking about? Well I'll tell you. People in the school often party.. they smoke, have issues at home. They do things and run to things because they don't know where else to run! Think about this.. what if they ran to God????!?!!??! Like do you have ANY clue how amazing that would be! They could be saved, they could go to Heaven! Let me tell you the best part. You get to be a part of that happening. When you are Jesus to people, just being kind doing things people wouldn't expect... they get this warm feeling as "she's safe" or i "trust her", this is so random but it's one in the morning and I as I was typing I heard car wheels sliding on the pavement, as soon as I heard that I started praying, and thank God there was no crash. See I am not trying to be like 'Oh I am advertising this because I wanna be popular" No i don't I want Jesus to be popular i am doing this for him! & let me tell you by praying for something like that takes Faith can I get an amen? Now no crash happened thank God he protected them. Anyway back to my point.. they FEEL LOVED WHEN YOU LOVE THEM. You know prayer is the strongest strongest STRONGEST thing ever. Even if you don't feel it. You know and God answer's your prayers.
His love never fails. I have a friend that was bullied by people in my school and she felt like there was nothing left for her. I saw her one day because she was in my gym class... everyday I would watch her get made fun of and I am mad at myself that I didn't act sooner.. but I did act. I gave her my phone number and said call me.. everyones story counts. and walked away. She never did call... but she started coming out to my youth and a youth convention called "Overflow" and she got saved. I PRAYED A PRAYEER with her! and she was saved God USED ME how much better can that get!?!?!!!
A friend once told me.. God's presence.. when were in it.. it's only one layer of what he has for us, it's only a little scratch in to what he actually has to offer us. The reason we keep worshiping is because we want to be with him. When I am in his presence.. I am like amazed.
Knowing it gets better then that.. MY BRAIN CAN'T comprehend that :P
But I am excited , and his love never fails us.
Perfect Love Casts out Fear,
what do you think?
A
Music is my life.. but Jesus comes first though of course :)
But music I listen to it when I shower, swim, run, sleep, pray, read my bible. If you surround yourself with music that has swearing in it or talks about money and sex.. yeah sure you say .. " I am not going to do those things it's just a song".. but is it worth it when you end up memorizing every word to be considered "cool"? There is one thing that bugs me.. and it's in schools. I would never bad mouth anyone, ever.
They don't deserve it, it's stupid to start drama, but I hate when the "popular kids" make fun of the non popular kids. Since when are people classified in a list from 1-10?
Not in my book. It's stupid how people treat each other. Some kids are terrified to walk in their school hallways is that really necessary? Like it's like there playing mission in-possible.. through the halls.. "dun dun dun dun dun . dun dun dun dun dun" Is that really necessary? God's Love never fails. That's my title, it's my title because it's true. & your probably like how does this relate to what your talking about? Well I'll tell you. People in the school often party.. they smoke, have issues at home. They do things and run to things because they don't know where else to run! Think about this.. what if they ran to God????!?!!??! Like do you have ANY clue how amazing that would be! They could be saved, they could go to Heaven! Let me tell you the best part. You get to be a part of that happening. When you are Jesus to people, just being kind doing things people wouldn't expect... they get this warm feeling as "she's safe" or i "trust her", this is so random but it's one in the morning and I as I was typing I heard car wheels sliding on the pavement, as soon as I heard that I started praying, and thank God there was no crash. See I am not trying to be like 'Oh I am advertising this because I wanna be popular" No i don't I want Jesus to be popular i am doing this for him! & let me tell you by praying for something like that takes Faith can I get an amen? Now no crash happened thank God he protected them. Anyway back to my point.. they FEEL LOVED WHEN YOU LOVE THEM. You know prayer is the strongest strongest STRONGEST thing ever. Even if you don't feel it. You know and God answer's your prayers.
His love never fails. I have a friend that was bullied by people in my school and she felt like there was nothing left for her. I saw her one day because she was in my gym class... everyday I would watch her get made fun of and I am mad at myself that I didn't act sooner.. but I did act. I gave her my phone number and said call me.. everyones story counts. and walked away. She never did call... but she started coming out to my youth and a youth convention called "Overflow" and she got saved. I PRAYED A PRAYEER with her! and she was saved God USED ME how much better can that get!?!?!!!
A friend once told me.. God's presence.. when were in it.. it's only one layer of what he has for us, it's only a little scratch in to what he actually has to offer us. The reason we keep worshiping is because we want to be with him. When I am in his presence.. I am like amazed.
Knowing it gets better then that.. MY BRAIN CAN'T comprehend that :P
But I am excited , and his love never fails us.
Perfect Love Casts out Fear,
what do you think?
A
Thursday, August 5, 2010
New Start
So this is totally new for me.. I have never done this before but I am kind of excited.
My first blog is called "New Start" as you can see.
I wanted to talk about how I am starting to see and view things differently then I did before.
I always would do the same thing's over and over again.
I would think the same way, talk the same way, swear the same way and do things that I was addicted to. Why on earth did I ever even do such things as that? Honestly now looking back.. it's like wow.
I go to Church, and youth.
Youth Camps... and youth conventions. There amazing, like honestly. Sometimes it's nice to get away from all the family drama and be able to totally focus on God. Yeah it's cool to worship at home but sometimes it's hard. What if your interrupted or a family member is complaining about being too loud? Well when you worship your God you should be aloud to be as loud as you want. So when I went to youth camp at Braeside Pentecostal camp this year... I was as loud as I loud could be. I didn't even know I was that loud. Wait let me correct myself... I didn't know GOD could be that loud through me! On that Wednesday night at youth camp the speaker Paul .. he ended up talking about knots. & how our lives end up becoming shorter with knots and how we cannot live as long if we didn't have them. So day one was the will not. Day two was the fear knot. Now that made me kinda think like "Huh?" what does he mean "Fear Knot" this is stupid. But then I started listening to him. God was just pouring out through him. He talked about being alone. Now if you know me you'd already know this.. but my parents are split up. Yeah yeah sappy story.. well I have learned that I haven't let it go yet.. and after my dad dated other girls I STILL never let it go. Still today I am holding onto it. Right now as I type! I don't know how to let it go. I honestly don't. But I am trusting in God to let it go. Anyways everyday my dad would ask me.. "Hey Ash! Wanna go with us to so and so's place? I would say .. no. I want to stay right at home. Wouldn't want to do anything... because I like my home why should I go with my dad's girlfriend's family. Like why? She's not my family I don't have to go. I actually would rather stay here with my grandparents, because I am used to always being with MY family. I honestly like being with other people.. but for some reason I just didn't care for my dad's girlfriend's family. Woa, I am getting off topic.. sorta.. okay well anyway at youth camp Paul was talking about his fear of being alone. Now this was a crazy night, people were giving things to God, and they were screaming, dancing, crying and even CONFESSING things! It was nuts. I have been a Christian for two years now. This is the first time I started thinking God's way for me, and not thinking about what other people are doing. To be honest I HATED doing what other people were doing! But I was a young Christian .. I just followed what other Christians did. But ONCE YOU START DIGGIN IN TO GOD'S WORD it's never the same! You think different, you act different you even SMELL different! Well.. that all depends.. :P
BUT I wanted to confess something that night. I wanted to SO badly tell the world what I was doing for seven years. Like SO BADLY. I wanted to go up to Paul & just tell him everything. Other people were doing it why couldn't I? So I was like.. "okay okay.. stop talking so I can tell you already" but instead I ended up talking to a good friend. We went to the farthest pew away from the alter. I told her everything and she prayed with me. I felt the Holy Spirit a bit.. but as she was praying I could tell she was having thoughts about what she just heard. Was she scared.. did I frighten her? After we prayed I was in tears and Paul ended up doing an alter call. People who needed to be freed were called to the middle front.
I looked at my friend & I was like I have to go. It was like God jumped inside of me & like super speeded me to the bottom like he was saying "Ashlynn just pray to me and listen" I STILL wanted to go and tell Paul everything.. but I ended up praying... something told me (which was God) told me to focus... on what I needed to be freed from. Then two hands were laid on me. One my head and the other my shoulder. I kept my eyes shut. Then I heard a deep manly voice... it was Paul. It was like the spirit directed him to pray with me. He ended up praying with me for a good half hour or so... maybe a little less. I was in tears and all the times I have prayed I have never felt so odd. I guess it was a good odd though because everything I was praying for,, it was like God was speaking through Paul to me. Everything Paul was saying was exactly what I needed to hear it's like he already knew my secret.
Then after I looked up to Paul and I said thank you, and I told him my secret. It felt like something was weighed off my shoulders so somebody else actually knew. Someone that could pray for me so I wouldn't have to face it alone. I have a huge fear of being alone you see.. after watching what my dad went through as a young adult until now. But I also ran to something totally not necessary just because I was afraid of being alone. That night I confessed to everybody in that sanctuary what I was dealing with and I was freed. It felt so good to have done that. I didn't do it for popularity or attention.. but I did it because I now know I have people accountable in my life. To pray for me.. see i couldn't do it alone. When I tried to do it alone, i failed. Kept making that stupid mistake and giving into temptation. Now, I haven't done that sin I did for seven years. It's been about roughly three weeks since camp. But been a month since I haven't done the sin I was so addicted too. There was one time were the devil tried to attack me... and almost gave in. See when the devil knows your freed from something he stops using the main way he used to get to you by and he finds a different way that you don't even see coming. He almost completely destroyed me again. But God was like no Ashlynn. No, and I just walked away from it. Almost being wrecked again. If you read 1 Peter 4.. it's actually very powerful. When I started reading 1 Peter I was kinda like okay this is finally relating to my life.. but then when I got to chapter 4.. my mouth literally dropped. I was like God knew I was going to read this. In the Bible it says that when you start putting your love in to God, he pours it right back. He did that for me too this summer. It also says in the Bible that you must honor your parents even if they're wrong. I mean I too struggle with that I do things my own way all the time. But it says too in the Bible that when your ready to love God, you have to go beyond your comfort space. Do thing's that you usually don't do. Get comfortable with the non comfortable things... if you do what you want all the time.. how are you ever going to move forward?
Perfect Love Casts Out Fear
My first blog is called "New Start" as you can see.
I wanted to talk about how I am starting to see and view things differently then I did before.
I always would do the same thing's over and over again.
I would think the same way, talk the same way, swear the same way and do things that I was addicted to. Why on earth did I ever even do such things as that? Honestly now looking back.. it's like wow.
I go to Church, and youth.
Youth Camps... and youth conventions. There amazing, like honestly. Sometimes it's nice to get away from all the family drama and be able to totally focus on God. Yeah it's cool to worship at home but sometimes it's hard. What if your interrupted or a family member is complaining about being too loud? Well when you worship your God you should be aloud to be as loud as you want. So when I went to youth camp at Braeside Pentecostal camp this year... I was as loud as I loud could be. I didn't even know I was that loud. Wait let me correct myself... I didn't know GOD could be that loud through me! On that Wednesday night at youth camp the speaker Paul .. he ended up talking about knots. & how our lives end up becoming shorter with knots and how we cannot live as long if we didn't have them. So day one was the will not. Day two was the fear knot. Now that made me kinda think like "Huh?" what does he mean "Fear Knot" this is stupid. But then I started listening to him. God was just pouring out through him. He talked about being alone. Now if you know me you'd already know this.. but my parents are split up. Yeah yeah sappy story.. well I have learned that I haven't let it go yet.. and after my dad dated other girls I STILL never let it go. Still today I am holding onto it. Right now as I type! I don't know how to let it go. I honestly don't. But I am trusting in God to let it go. Anyways everyday my dad would ask me.. "Hey Ash! Wanna go with us to so and so's place? I would say .. no. I want to stay right at home. Wouldn't want to do anything... because I like my home why should I go with my dad's girlfriend's family. Like why? She's not my family I don't have to go. I actually would rather stay here with my grandparents, because I am used to always being with MY family. I honestly like being with other people.. but for some reason I just didn't care for my dad's girlfriend's family. Woa, I am getting off topic.. sorta.. okay well anyway at youth camp Paul was talking about his fear of being alone. Now this was a crazy night, people were giving things to God, and they were screaming, dancing, crying and even CONFESSING things! It was nuts. I have been a Christian for two years now. This is the first time I started thinking God's way for me, and not thinking about what other people are doing. To be honest I HATED doing what other people were doing! But I was a young Christian .. I just followed what other Christians did. But ONCE YOU START DIGGIN IN TO GOD'S WORD it's never the same! You think different, you act different you even SMELL different! Well.. that all depends.. :P
BUT I wanted to confess something that night. I wanted to SO badly tell the world what I was doing for seven years. Like SO BADLY. I wanted to go up to Paul & just tell him everything. Other people were doing it why couldn't I? So I was like.. "okay okay.. stop talking so I can tell you already" but instead I ended up talking to a good friend. We went to the farthest pew away from the alter. I told her everything and she prayed with me. I felt the Holy Spirit a bit.. but as she was praying I could tell she was having thoughts about what she just heard. Was she scared.. did I frighten her? After we prayed I was in tears and Paul ended up doing an alter call. People who needed to be freed were called to the middle front.
I looked at my friend & I was like I have to go. It was like God jumped inside of me & like super speeded me to the bottom like he was saying "Ashlynn just pray to me and listen" I STILL wanted to go and tell Paul everything.. but I ended up praying... something told me (which was God) told me to focus... on what I needed to be freed from. Then two hands were laid on me. One my head and the other my shoulder. I kept my eyes shut. Then I heard a deep manly voice... it was Paul. It was like the spirit directed him to pray with me. He ended up praying with me for a good half hour or so... maybe a little less. I was in tears and all the times I have prayed I have never felt so odd. I guess it was a good odd though because everything I was praying for,, it was like God was speaking through Paul to me. Everything Paul was saying was exactly what I needed to hear it's like he already knew my secret.
Then after I looked up to Paul and I said thank you, and I told him my secret. It felt like something was weighed off my shoulders so somebody else actually knew. Someone that could pray for me so I wouldn't have to face it alone. I have a huge fear of being alone you see.. after watching what my dad went through as a young adult until now. But I also ran to something totally not necessary just because I was afraid of being alone. That night I confessed to everybody in that sanctuary what I was dealing with and I was freed. It felt so good to have done that. I didn't do it for popularity or attention.. but I did it because I now know I have people accountable in my life. To pray for me.. see i couldn't do it alone. When I tried to do it alone, i failed. Kept making that stupid mistake and giving into temptation. Now, I haven't done that sin I did for seven years. It's been about roughly three weeks since camp. But been a month since I haven't done the sin I was so addicted too. There was one time were the devil tried to attack me... and almost gave in. See when the devil knows your freed from something he stops using the main way he used to get to you by and he finds a different way that you don't even see coming. He almost completely destroyed me again. But God was like no Ashlynn. No, and I just walked away from it. Almost being wrecked again. If you read 1 Peter 4.. it's actually very powerful. When I started reading 1 Peter I was kinda like okay this is finally relating to my life.. but then when I got to chapter 4.. my mouth literally dropped. I was like God knew I was going to read this. In the Bible it says that when you start putting your love in to God, he pours it right back. He did that for me too this summer. It also says in the Bible that you must honor your parents even if they're wrong. I mean I too struggle with that I do things my own way all the time. But it says too in the Bible that when your ready to love God, you have to go beyond your comfort space. Do thing's that you usually don't do. Get comfortable with the non comfortable things... if you do what you want all the time.. how are you ever going to move forward?
Perfect Love Casts Out Fear
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)