New Start

So this is totally new for me.. I have never done this before but I am kind of excited.
My first blog is called "New Start" as you can see.
I wanted to talk about how I am starting to see and view things differently then I did before.
I always would do the same thing's over and over again.
I would think the same way, talk the same way, swear the same way and do things that I was addicted to. Why on earth did I ever even do such things as that? Honestly now looking back.. it's like wow.
I go to Church, and youth.
Youth Camps... and youth conventions. There amazing, like honestly. Sometimes it's nice to get away from all the family drama and be able to totally focus on God. Yeah it's cool to worship at home but sometimes it's hard.  What if your interrupted or a family member is complaining about being too loud? Well when you worship your God you should be aloud to be as loud as you want. So when I went to youth camp at Braeside Pentecostal camp this year... I was as loud as I loud could be. I didn't even know I was that loud. Wait let me correct myself... I didn't know GOD could be that loud through me! On that Wednesday night at youth camp the speaker Paul .. he ended up talking about knots. & how our lives end up becoming shorter with knots and how we cannot live as long if we didn't have them. So day one was the will not. Day two was the fear knot. Now that made me kinda think like "Huh?" what does he mean "Fear Knot" this is stupid. But then I started listening to him. God was just pouring out through him. He talked about being alone. Now if you know me you'd already know this.. but my parents are split up. Yeah yeah sappy story.. well I have learned that I haven't let it go yet.. and after my dad dated other girls I STILL never let it go. Still today I am holding onto it. Right now as I type! I don't know how to let it go. I honestly don't. But I am trusting in God to let it go. Anyways everyday my dad would ask me.. "Hey Ash! Wanna go with us to so and so's place? I would say .. no. I want to stay right at home. Wouldn't want to do anything... because I like my home why should I go with my dad's girlfriend's family. Like why? She's not my family I don't have to go. I actually would rather stay here with my grandparents, because I am used to always being with MY family. I honestly like being with other people.. but for some reason I just didn't care for my dad's girlfriend's family. Woa, I am getting off topic.. sorta.. okay well anyway at youth camp Paul was talking about his fear of being alone. Now this was a crazy night, people were giving things to God, and they were screaming, dancing, crying and even CONFESSING things! It was nuts. I have been a Christian for two years now. This is the first time I started thinking God's way for me, and not thinking about what other people are doing. To be honest I HATED doing what other people were doing! But I was a young Christian .. I just followed what other Christians did. But ONCE YOU START DIGGIN IN TO GOD'S WORD it's never the same! You think different, you act different you even SMELL different! Well.. that all depends.. :P
BUT I wanted to confess something that night. I wanted to SO badly tell the world what I was doing for seven years. Like SO BADLY. I wanted to go up to Paul & just tell him everything. Other people were doing it why couldn't I? So I was like.. "okay okay.. stop talking so I can tell you already" but instead I ended up talking to a good friend. We went to the farthest pew away from the alter. I told her everything and she prayed with me. I felt the Holy Spirit a bit.. but as she was praying I could tell she was having thoughts about what she just heard. Was she scared.. did I frighten her? After we prayed I was in tears and Paul ended up doing an alter call. People who needed to be freed were called to the middle front.
I looked at my friend & I was like I have to go. It was like God jumped inside of me & like super speeded me to the bottom like he was saying "Ashlynn just pray to me and listen" I STILL wanted to go and tell Paul everything.. but I ended up praying... something told me (which was God) told me to focus... on what I needed to be freed from. Then two hands were laid on me. One my head and the other my shoulder. I kept my eyes shut. Then I heard a deep manly voice... it was Paul. It was like the spirit directed him to pray with me. He ended up praying with me for a good half hour or so... maybe a little less. I was in tears and all the times I have prayed I have never felt so odd. I guess it was a good odd though because everything I was praying for,, it was like God was speaking through Paul to me. Everything Paul was saying was exactly what I needed to hear it's like he already knew my secret.
Then after I looked up to Paul and I said thank you, and I told him my secret. It felt like something was weighed off my shoulders so somebody else actually knew. Someone that could pray for me so I wouldn't have to face it alone. I have a huge fear of being alone you see.. after watching what my dad went through as a young adult until now. But I also ran to something totally not necessary just because I was afraid of being alone. That night I confessed to everybody in that sanctuary what I was dealing with and I was freed. It felt so good to have done that. I didn't do it for popularity or attention.. but I did it because I now know I have people accountable in my life. To pray for me.. see i couldn't do it alone. When I tried to do it alone, i failed. Kept making that stupid mistake and giving into temptation. Now, I haven't done that sin I did for seven years. It's been about roughly three weeks since camp. But been a month since I haven't done the sin I was so addicted too. There was one time were the devil tried to attack me... and almost gave in. See when the devil knows your freed from something he stops using the main way he used to get to you by and he finds a different way that you don't even see coming. He almost completely destroyed me again. But God was like no Ashlynn. No, and I just walked away from it. Almost being wrecked again. If you read 1 Peter 4.. it's actually very powerful. When I started reading 1 Peter I was kinda like okay this is finally relating to my life.. but then when I got to chapter 4.. my mouth literally dropped. I was like God knew I was going to read this. In the Bible it says that when you start putting your love in to God, he pours it right back. He did that for me too this summer. It also says in the Bible that you must honor your parents even if they're wrong. I mean I too struggle with that I do things my own way all the time. But it says too in the Bible that when your ready to love God, you have to go beyond your comfort space. Do thing's that you usually don't do. Get comfortable with the non comfortable things... if you do what you want all the time.. how are you ever going to move forward?

Perfect Love Casts Out Fear